Archive for the ‘Blabbing’ Category

ALIVE AND BREATHING…

Friday, February 5th, 2010
i'm here and still breathing... :p

i know it's been ages since i last posted anything (5 months) i've been ignoring this blog for a while now and it is because of a number of things....one of them is that i started my masters studies and i barely had time for myself, let alone the blog :p another reason is that i haven't been inspired to write anything really :p

the first semester ended and i'm not very happy with it...it has been a great experience don't get me wrong, but i sort of rediscovered my self....one of the reasons that i entered this program is because i love my major, i'm passionate about it, and because i couldn't live with the idea of stopping here and stick with a job and wait for something to happen..i would kill myself...the idea that waking up going to work and coming back home is the thing that i'll be doing for the rest of my life is scary...it freaks me out not having something to look forward to and work hard to achieve...

but so far i've been shocked...first because it is harder than i expected...i know it was hard, but being in it made me realize how hard it is....secondly, i have this strong ugly feeling that i can't do it..that i've been fooling myself all along thinking that i am good enough or smart enough for it...it is not about the grades as much as the comments i got and the things i noticed about my work....it made me revaluate myself...it made me ask myself more than once what am i doing here? how on earth did they accept me in the program if this was my level? at first i thought it was the program itself ir the way they handle it....but now i'm really thinking it is me...
it's frustrating and annoying in more than one way...

what is more annoying is the feedback i'm getting from my family...they have this really bad habit of making it other people's falt...i mean they see me work hard and study all the time and then they hear me complain about the grades and courses so they think it is the teachers or the material...i tried telling them more than once that it is hard and not easy...and i am facing problems and difficulties with it....they tell me that i am smart and can do it easily.. I DON'T WANT THEM TO SAY THAT....this makes me feel worse...if i am as smart as they believe why on earth am i finding it hard? they don't understand how their comments make me feel... *sigh*

besides all that, every time i complain about how i don't have enough time to study and read they ask me to quit my job....and i don't want that....they tell me to transfer to a government job and i don't want that either....i am a workaholic and the thought of me sitting on a desk doing minimum mount of work or none....drives me crazy...i have a lot of work and tasks at my current job, even when i get a day with nothing to do i would go and ask for something to do...i can't sit doing nothing...plus i like my job...i like my colleagues, i like my managers...

i know that they want me to quit to focus on my studies, but what will i do during summer break? or mid semester break? :s i don't know....i don't think i'm ready to quit my job yet...maybe when i start working on my thesis...i don't know....i don't want to think about it...

for the first time in my life i'm not looking forward for a semester to start...i am not very excited about ordering the books...and trust me, books excite me BIG TIME...

i don't like how this masters program made me feel about myself....i don't like who i've became after i joined the program...

BUT i'm not quitting...don't ever think about that...if i am one thing i am not a quitter...if i'm not good enough they will kick me out :p now, what happens to me if that happens? let's leave it for when it happens ;)

blekh...these thoughts annoy me and frustrate me...it is all i think of now....i'm not even enjoying my holiday because all i can think of is how to survive the coming semester :/

i wish i can wipe these thought and make them go away...





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AM blabbing…

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

i'm about to step into a big thing, maybe huge. it's good, actually great. i'm really happy about it, over the moon, but i'm scared. i'm excited but terrified at the same time. not about the step, about how ready i am for it. i think that i'm getting my self into something bigger than me maybe, or that i'm not up to it. every one tells me that i'm being stupid. that i'm looking down at myself , that i need to believe in myself more.

it's not a trust or believe issue. i'm just thinking about this in a realistic way. Trying to weigh it in my head. well mostly scared that i'll fail in it, or maybe suck at it, or maybe be the worse at doing it.
can i handle the pressure? can i go through with it? is it too much for me? am i over dreaming? over achiever? insecure? blabbing maybe?
or maybe i'm unreasonably freaking out?

and to add cherry on the topping, i made a decisions that could be either really stupid or really smart at this point of my life.
so now not only i'm thinking about the first step (which doesn't require thinking anymore now) but now i have to think about the consequences of the decision i made.

it shouldn't be a problem because everyone around me is telling me that i shouldn't worry that much, that i made the right choice because i feel good about it, because i shouldn't worry about those consequences, that they are taken care of. well the problem is that i'm not feeling this way. i'm not comfortable about not worrying about the consequences.

i know i'm probably not making that much sense but i really need to get that out of my system, so bare with me ok, i'm sure this is not that first time that you guys face one of these posts :p

i know this wasn't clear. what i'm talking about it, but try to pretend that you understand and that you know what i'm talking about.

what do you think? am i freaking out for no reason? is there a valid reason for my worries?

ok it's 2 am now and i'm too lazy to post this so i'll save it and post it later tomorrow, or i guess i should say later today :p that is if i don't read this again tomorrow after i sober up from the cough medicine ;)




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talk to me….

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009



have you ever felt that you are so obsessed about music that you feel like you understand it to the extent that you could put it into words?! like translate the notes to words?! or create a plot for a certain musical piece? with a storyline !? (ex: it's about two people in love, just met, leaving...etc )

did u ever feel that you can get into the music and understand it that much!? did it ever tell you a story? can you feel it talking to you? did you ever thought "now i know what he meant" or "i can see what he's trying to say" ????

is this normal! or is it obsession !!?!!?

i think it's good and healthy :D

i don't know, speak out...let me know what you think ;)




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Star sign poem

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
i just read a poem by Kareem Al Iraqi about women and their star signs.
check out what my star sign said :/
الثور:
فيك العناد وثورة التيارِ
أما الحنان فذاب خلف ستارِ
صعب لقلبك أن يسلّم أمره بسهولة ومرونةٍ وحوارِ
فالعقل عندك سيد متسلط
متخصص بقراءة الأفكارِ
أما هدوؤك فالعواصف خلفهُ
وحذار منك إذا غضبت حذارِ
creepy :s
-------------------------------
this is the whole poem. check out your star sign and let me know how true it is ;)
الحمل:
أفيقي من النوم ياسيده
نوم النهار بلا فائد
هوالصبر والإيمان والإصرارُ
يبقى النجاح حليفك لكنماطبع النفوس من النجاح تغارُ
ما دمت حملاً فاحذري يا حلوتي
بعض الذئاب وجوهها أقمارُ
------------------
الثور:
فيك العناد وثورة التيارِ
أما الحنان فذاب خلف ستارِ
صعب لقلبك أن يسلّم أمره بسهولة ومرونةٍ وحوارِ
فالعقل عندك سيد متسلط متخصص بقراءة الأفكارِ
أما هدوؤك فالعواصف خلفهُ
وحذار منك إذا غضبت حذارِ
-------------------
الجوزاء:
تجيدين الإثارة كل حين
وسحرك تستدير له العيونُ
ملأت الجو أنواراً وعطراً
تحير في رضاك المعجبون
فوجهك ضاحك والقلب يغلي
سيول في دواخلك الشجونُ
فإحساس حريري رقيق
...وقلب حائر قلق حنونُ
سعيد من يحبك دون شك...
ورغم الحب تحرقه الظنون
ُلك قلب نبيل فارحميه...
أيا جوزاء دلع أم جنون؟
-------------------------
السرطان:
امرأة السرطان يا مثابرهْ يا حذره...
يا صابرهْ ذات العيون الحائرهْ
البحر يعلم انك صيادة ذكية وماهرهْ
فلمَ التحفظ والقلقْ؟
ولمَ التأمل والأرقْ
وأنت في عز الألقْ
سرت بعزم للهدفْ
ونلت مرتبة الشرفْ
بحكمة مدروسة لا بالتحايل والصدفْ
هيا ازرعي ابتسامة على خدود نضرهْ
أما كفاك أنك على الأمور مسيطرهْ
---------------------------
الأسد:
دقيقة الملاحظهْ..
واضحة وغامضهْ
مذهلة الحدسْ... طويلة النفسْ
فراسة تقودها للانقضاض على الفرص
أيتها العنيدةُ.. نجاحك الكبيرْجاء من الذكاء والتشخيص والتدبير
لك حضور مذهل ومظهر جذابْ
إصرارك الذي لا يعرف الصعابْ يثير حولك الإعجابْ
لكنني أوصيك بالتأني
فالعنف من طباعه يقود للتجني
إياك يا قوية من بعض سوء الظنِ
لا تهملي الحبيب يا حبيبهْ
وتوازني أيتها الرهيبهْ
----------------
العذراء:
فيما مضى أنت هي المحرومهْ
فيما مضى أنت هي المظلومهْ
والآن يا عزيزتي أنت هي المحظوظهْ
أنت هي المحبوبة الموهوبهْ
فاحتفلي بالسعد يا سعيدة
واحتفظي بالسر يا كتومهْ
صبر لك لا يقهرُ.. يهرب منه الخطرُ
بعد الجفاف والأسى سماؤك
ستمطرْإن ضاقت الدنيا بك،
إيمانك ينتصرُأيتها الفارسة القديرة
، إياك من منافذ نيرانها خطيرهْ
البخل والغرور ثم الغيرهْ.
---------------
.الميزان:
تخافين من المستقبل الآتي برأسك فيض أسئلة..
ومن غير إجاباتِ
أهذا العمر مولاتي؟لماذا أنت غارقة بأفكار خرافية
لماذا أنت هاربة، لماذا يا انطوائيهْ؟
أيا شفافة الوجدانْ
أيا ساحرة الصوت كأنك توأم الكروانْ
أهذا العدل يا ميزانْ؟تخطي قلعة الأحزانْ
ففي أعماقك طير، يعاني لوعة الحرمانْ كفاه السجن والسجانْ
له حق عليك القلب، يا ميزانْ
-------------------------
العقرب:
تساهلي يا عقرب الأبراجْ
وخففي من ثورة المزاجْ
المحبون حولك.. أدمتهم نبالكِ
هيا أسرعي للنار بالأمواجْ
واعتذري فالكل في إحراجْ
يا أنت يا حبيبةالنساء والرجالْ
كم تحملين براءة الأطفالْ
عودي إلى هدوئك النبيلْ وحديثك المهذب الجميلْ
أيتها الأنيقة.. علتك بصبرك القليلْ حبيبك ليس له عن حبك بديلْ
إياك أن تتسرعي إياك أن تتمردي
ستندمين تأكدي
------------------
الجدي:
يا نادرة الشفافية،
يا عاشقة للحريهْ
يا ناجحة لا تلتفتي للخبثاء فأنت قويّهْ
يا ماشية فوق النارْطبعاً، منك البعض يغارْ
ليس الصخر كمثل البحروليس الشوك كما الأزهار
وانتبهي للقلب قليلاً وكفاك جدالاً وخصامْ
فهناك حبيب يتفانى من أجلك طول الأيامْ
يحتاج حنانك ووفاءك، ما الدنيا من دون غرامْ؟
-----------------------
الدلو:
لماذا البرود، لماذا السكونْ؟
كفانا دموعاً تقول العيونْ
يا دلو، اخرج إلى الشمس لطفاً
كفانا نغوص ببئر الظنونْ
نجحت كثيراً بقهر الصعابْ
وكنت ضياء يشق الضبابْ
فآن الأوان لننهي العذابْ
أسهلٌ علينا يضيع الشبابْ؟
فقلب الأنوثة مثل الزهورْيحتاج ماء ويحتاج نورْ
أسهلٌ علينا يضيع الجمالْ؟يقول تعالي فقولي تعالْ
هو الحب نادى بكل جلالْ
---------------------

القوس
أنت الإرادة والطموح
النارُيا قوس يا متفائلهْ
لك كبرياء هائلهْ
ومغامرات مذهلهْ
السعي من صفاتكِ
والحب كل حياتكِ
لكن هناك دسائس دوماً تحاك حولكِ
تسعين للأمل الشهي
وطموحك لا ينتهي
إياك أن تنكسري، بل قاومي وكابري
حتماً تمر العاصفة، ويفيض نهر العاطفهْ
من بعد طول عذابك تجنين أحلى الثمرِ
وحبيبك الذي اختفى سيعود مثل القمرِ
--------------------
الحوت:
يا حوت يا غامضة الأهدافْ
الكل من هدوئك يخافْ
قوية واثقة عنيدهْ، سفينة تقودها عاطفة شديدهْ
معشوقة الرجال والنساءْ
شديدة التركيز والدهاءْ
يا حوت يا كريمة العطاءْحبيبك المخلص يا حسناءْ
لا تهمليه وحده يغوص تحت الماءْ
وبادليه الحب والوفاءْفما الحياة والحب بلا وفاءْ؟




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Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
i know its been a while but i'm still alive ;)

so what have i been up to.......

let's see.....

i've FINALLY seen Twilight :p and i still can't get what's the big fuss about Edward !! i mean i do think that the actor (forgot his name) looks better and hotter in the movie than in the red carpet pictures and stuff, but still he wasn't all that OH MY GOD

now Bella is another story, she's so cute, beautiful and sweet. i don't know but there is something really nice about her. i liked her in the movie, she played the part.

..................................................

i've been also doing a lot of book shopping and reading. well the reading part wasn't as much as i wanted to, but i'm trying to catch up with my readings this week. let's just say that the pile of books waiting to be read is getting higher :p
and since i really like the books i bought and they seem good, My Plan: shrink the pile ;)

.................................................

i just started watching Dirty.Sexy.Money first season and so far i like it. it's funny, light, witty and really fun to watch.
oh there is this really sweet cute cute cute little kid and i love him. he looks really smart and naughty :p
.................................................

OH YES i went and saw Alegria and it was AMAZING, simply magical, beautiful. the music was unbelievable. the whole show was overwhelming.

.................................................

i'm not a big fan of Britney Spears, i never really liked her, but her new album some how managed to sneak into my iTunes library and i ended up listening to the songs and i have to say that i really liked a couple of songs.
she amazes me. how she suddenly rose up from the dead and came back stronger than before. i mean just LOOK AT HER BODY!! where did that come from? i think i remember a picture of her after her second child and it looked NOTHING like now. and NOW it's better than what it looked like before the kids.
blaaaah enough about Brit...i don't like her anyways....

...............................................


Guys i have something HUGE waiting for next week. wish me luck :*




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still alive….and bored :p

Saturday, March 7th, 2009
i know it's been a while since i last posted something, i have no reason, really. i'm not going to say that i was busy, cause i wasn't :p i just didn't feel like posting anything new.

i'm still bored to death by my template, still looking for something new. maybe when i do i'll feel like posting something. for now i picked a template from the list blogspot offers, not in love with it, just something for now while i look for something i like more ;)


*************************************

last thursday was a crazy busy day for me,i ditched work, went out with my friends for lunch, had lots of fun. ejoyed every single moment of it, especially when we kidnapped Hanan from her class lol. went back home around 4 something, left again at 6.30 to a friend's house for dinner had more fun enjoyed it too and simply loved hangonog there, ignoring the seats and sofas and sitting on the floor chatting :)

looking farward to do it all over again :D

love u all guys :*




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7 Pounds

Saturday, January 31st, 2009
i've been suffering from a serious writer's block for a while now :p i haven't written anything in god knows when. neither in arabic nor english :/
i want to write but the more i force a pen on a paper the faster the words run away :'(
anywho, i'll just try to forget about it for a while and maybe it'll come back on its own :D

*******************
i've got nothing new in my life recently, i think

well except that i lost around 3 kilos and something in the past 6 weeks, I WANT THEM BACK
i don't know why, and i hope that i get back on track before i slip into my really bad eating habits :/ i'm eating the same, i think, snacking the same still no coffee or coke. i can't think of another reason !!!!
i guess i'll have to change the kind of food i eat, which is mostly healthy food and hardly any junk food. a lot of salad, whole grain bread, fresh juice. nothing low fat though :p i think i should add a junk food meal twice a week to keep those kilos from disappearing :p ;)

*********************

i'm planning to make my next weekend, an award winnig movies marathon ;p i'm getting the recent award winning movies, watch them, enjoy them and maybe if i'm in the mood and have time i'll post about my reviews and ratings :D
let's just hope i don't forget to watch the movies a9lan :p

*********************
i think i'm bored already, i might change the blog's template :)
any idea where to find good templates !?

:)




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long time no see

Monday, January 5th, 2009



first of all HAPPY NEW YEAR :D


i know it's been a while since i posted anything new, but i seriously was busy with tons of stuff, work related and personal issues i was hoping to be done with last week but it didn't work out :'( but don't worry about me, i'll deal with it, ya ana ya this thing it's a matter of survival :p

*********************

i'm planning for something that will be a big step for my future, i just hope it works out good because i seriously would be devastated and depressed and god knows what if it didn't work, i really really want it bad and i don't want to think of it not happening. let's just say i want it :p
i'll share more details later but just wish me luck with it ;)

*********************

let's see what else do we have .....

OH YES, Amethyst's wedding :D it was amazing, mabrook hun :*



***********************

another important topic :
this last December my lovely blog celebrated it's 4TH birthday ;)

in December 2004 i started this blog and these lovely heavy years are the only reason that keeps me from either changing it, moving to wordpress, or stop blogging at all. i think of the time and effort and memories i put in it and i feel sorry for abandonening it. that's why when i feel like i don't want to blog about anything, or don't want to blog at all, i just go away and not visit the blog, just so i can miss it, and not delete it in a stupid crazy rushed decision ;) to my blog, to my readers, commentor, fellow bloggers and most importantly, to my memories it was and still is a great thing to do and hopefully keep doing :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY :*




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Vintage Beauty

Saturday, December 13th, 2008
my mom thinks i have a thing for old men.
I DON'T.
BUT i have a thing for oldER men :p
WHAT!! i do. i don't know why but i think they're hotter, sexier, sometimes wiser and smarter.
before, i thought that oldER actors are hot and good looking. but i moved to oldER hot football player, older singers, older musicians, the list is endless.

besides, the idea of old depends on your age. what's old for you might be young for me, and vice versa :p
come to think of it, if my mother thinks they're old. what does that make them to me!?!! :/ :S

not only she thinks that they are old, but she also thinks they are ugly, COME ON not all oldER people are ugly. i know i can't use the Zidane example because i discovered that not everyone agrees with my taste in that particular person ;)

let's see who else....Oo you've seen Yanni's hot new look in a previous post, now that's some one old and sexy ;D let's see who else.....(struggling for names is not a good sign incase you didn't notice)

SO WHAT i can't think of more names at the moment but i think my point is proven here. and my mom's point's is not :p

for me the oldER the better, or shall i say the hotter ;)

PS: this is the insomnia speaking :p




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updates

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
i know it's been some time since i posted something except short update posts. but wait don't get excited this is not a real post, it is another update post BUT a longer version of it :p

so here are the reasent updates ;)

BLOG UPDATE:
i deleted the wordpress account because it's been giving me a hard time with the whole importing your blog issue. after several times of trying and trying again and again, deleting all the posts and importing the blog from the start, i ended up with all my posts x3 x4 and some posts x15 AND no comments whatsoever. !!!??? so it's either no posts or each post multiplied a hundered times ?!!!!!!!! so i decided to delete the whole account and then give it a try later when i'm in the mood and probably when i forget about how stupid it was :D

WORK UPDATE:
work is still great and i'm loving it. it's not that busy and loaded during these two weeks, and i'm hoping it stays this way for another two weeks :D
everyone here is great and fun and all EXCEPT this one #w%^ NASTY OLD WITCH i swear to god she is unbelievable. she is crazy. she has sertain issues with everyone. i haven't met anyone ANYONE here who likes her and thinks she is good. she treats everyone like crap and thinks everyone is below her. although she is not in a higher position or something. she is weird. i swear to god someone one day will kill her or as we expect we would see her flying out the window one day :D :D :p

JERK UPDATE:
now we come to the funniest and probably the juiciest update of the day. the jerk's attitude had changed and it's funny. i mean he is still a big jerk and all. ever since his stupid actions and attitude bothered me to a certain extent i decided to ignore him. act like he doesn't excist. whenever when we hangout to gether or order some food and just sit and laugh, neither of us talk to eachother. and that was fine so far. i don't mind it and no one thought it was weird since they know how weird he is with new commers.
now the new things ARE weird, everyone noticed them. for instance, whenever we decide to order something he would come to my office and tells me that they are ordering and whether i want something or not, all this without a smile any any improvment in attitude. he would also comes to my office whenever i'm too busy to go to their department and say hi to the group (one of them is a friend of mine so i'm there at least twice a day :p) he comes in and offers to help with anything, i always thank him and tell him that it's ok and o can handle it. at one point he would go in and just sits there on the other desk and do nothing, a couple of times he would stand by my desk and play with the paper or eat chocolate AND a could of times he answerd my office phone when it rang !!! i was sitting there wondering WHY on earth would he do that!!?? and sometimes take messages for me and telld me as soon as i get in that some one called asking for something.

during this whole time i would just sit there staring with no comment. my face has no expressions :p

but u know the funny part :p once we were laughing about something stupid and he came in and told me that he heard me laughing and he was wondering what made me laugh this hard!!!?? do you know what i said?!!? :D :p i said : oh i'm sorry i didn't realize my voice was loud, sorry if my laugh annoyed you (reminding him about what he said about my laugh and smile being weird :p) his face went red and purple and i was smiling really hard and everyone laughed hard on my answer. he just apolagized and left. i admit i felt a little bad about it and guilty but i think he deserve it being the jerk he is. seriously one day he ignores me and treat me like crap and cuts me off while i'm talking and the next day he pays a visit to my office to say good morning and asks me if i'm in the mood for chinese food or burgers!!??? SERIOUSLY !!? talk abot issues :p

i don't know what to do with him anymore. i just laugh about it, me and my friend think that he is the joke of the day. our comic relief, just for being the weird and messed up guy he is :D i know this might sound evil but i really gave up, i don't know what to do with him. i tried it all, showing my friendly nice side and my serious side, both got me a different weird reactions.
:p i think i'm starting to enjoy this ;)

----------------

i think this is enough update for now ;)
see u later :*




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Outch :”(

Monday, August 25th, 2008
Today at work i was having lunch with a couple of girls and one of them was saying something really funny so we laughed, not the loud HA HA laugh but the -oh my god this is so funny laugh- it wasn't loud at all. while we were laughing this A$$ ^&$%&*&$* who works with me started to stare at me blankly. like really his face was blank. mtani7 oo mas6ool. so while i was still trying to stop my face from smiling and laughing i asked him what? what's wrong? and you know what he said??!?!

he was like your laugh is weird !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 0_O my face had this frozen smile and i said i hope it's a good weird and we laughed again. YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?!??!?!??!?!?!

he said actually, no. not the good weird. it's just weird.

AND HE WALKED AWAY !!!!! he left us there in complete shock. the moment he walked out we started laughing hysterically.

i swear we couldn't believe him.

this dude is weird he laughs and talks to every one. even the new staff, he is like best friends with them, joking and everything. EXCEPT ME :/ i mean i don't want him to be my friend or something. but dude say hi or good morning to me like everyone else. it's weird when he passes by and says hi and good morning to every one and skips me!?! SERIOUSLY ? what's your problem!?! i mean we didn't have any sort of contact when i first started work. why the attitude? and now you decide to talk to me and tell me WHAT!? that i don't have a good laugh!!!?!? seriously?! that's the best you can do!!? loool


Guys, (those who know me personally :p) aren't I friendly?! i mean do i give bad or negative signs or signals that drive people away? i personally think that i'm friendly and sweet :( :p

Oh yeah, and what about my laugh!? seriously. Be honest. what do you think about my smile or most importantly my LAUGH :D u know give it to me. tell me the truth, i smile and laugh a lot so heads up here. what is wrong with it!??! or this dude has some issues. let me know so i can resort to my pens and pencils ;) :D :p




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I’M DONE

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
THE HELL WITH IT.
IT'S OVER.
IT'S SOOOOOOO OVER.

IT'S STUPID. NOT WORTH MY TIME.

way3a

oh and did i mention that I'M MAD AND ANGRY AT THE WHOLE SITUATION AND AT MY SELF ?!


PS: i stabbed and burned the stupid buterflies over and over again till i dropped dead myself :x



CASE CLOSED




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:x

Tuesday, August 19th, 2008
still true.
still hurts.
still not funny.
still hate it.
still there.

:x




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Damn, it’s true :x

Sunday, August 17th, 2008



DAMN
I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.

it's stupid. it makes me feel stupid. it's weird. it makes me feel weird. I'VE NEVER felt it before.
i thought it was funny when people talk about it. but for it to happen to ME??!!!! NO not in a million years :o i thought i was built to resist these things :/ apparently i'm not.

$H!T i feel like a kid. i feel week and fragile :s

I HATE IT. why does it have to happen to me!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
i mean i enjoy it when people talk about it when it happens to them. i thought it's cute and sweet and enjoy what they tell me and how they describe their feelings :p BUT NOW that it's happening to ME?!?!!!!
i mean when this guy i know tolled me about it when it happened to him and he described it, i thought that was aww so cute and sweet
WELL IT'S NOT FOR ME :/
:"(

i'm not liking it AT ALL.
AND WHY ON EARTH I CAN'T SEEM TO CONTROL IT?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??
:@


PS: the STUPID butterflies are SO TRUE :/ :S :x


DAMN
:x




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Updates :)

Thursday, August 14th, 2008
hey there, it's been long since i posted anything :p

so now it's been almost two weeks since i got my new job. i'm really enjoying it. it actually didn't take me long to get used to it :p every one here is super friendly and healpful. they are also really funny.

the one thing i don't like about this whole working experience is the fact that i wake up in the morning and as soon as i get home i feel tired and i want to sleep. i mean it's really funny because i've been going to bed at maximum 9 pm those past two weeks and i'm not complaining, because i wake up at 7 feeling good lol

now i really appreciate the weekend lool


*my plan for this weekend is to buy and download as many tv shows and movies as i can :D

that's is for now ;)

see u later :)




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I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT :D :D

Saturday, August 2nd, 2008



It's finally out for us commoners to but our hands on :D

The Tales of Beedle the Bard is available for Pre-Order in amazon.com. they have 2 editions. the collector's limited hard cover edition which is HOT and the standard edition. the limited edition is sold for 100$ which is so worth it if u see how it looks like. and the standard edition is for 7 $ something :D.
now I of course ordered both :D. they will be available December 4th 2008.

Ok, i just realized something :D since i don't post about my Pottermania i bet that you don't have a clue about how crazy and fanatic i am when it comes to Harry Potter world :D so for me to put my hands on this book is a dream come true :D :D
for those who are not very familiar about Harry Potter this book is NOT another volume of the books. they are seven and they published them all (i was asked about this a lot :p)
now this book is a book mentioned in Harry Potter 7 they played a big part in the plot, so for her to make this book comes to life is something really exciting.

if u think this is crazy then u can completely ignore this post, because you have no idea how crazy i am about them :D so u just thank god that i'm not talking to u personally about the books cause u would easily commit suicide.

oh and by the way u can blame F. about this. poor thing introduced the books to me as a good book to read suggestion and i think she regrets it till now :D :p (love u :*)




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the Wa96a epidemic

Sunday, July 27th, 2008


So, i've been busy lately and away from posting and updating, but the good busy :p i went to my first job interview :D :D WOOOW that was cool. first interviews are fun lol
any how, it went really good, and i liked it and they loved me, they were really impressed and i was chocked to learn that they never interviewed a KU graduate with good english, even from the english department. i personally don't believe it.

after it was over they told me that i would definitely definitely hear form them, and that there is a 90% chance they will take me in :D and i was really happy because for a first job and interview that was amazing.

but still i didn't get my hopes high, i thought that they were just saying that and that they will rip my CV into pieces the moment i walk out of the office.

i went home and my mom asked me about what happened and she was happy and excited, i told her that it might not mean anything.

AND THEN, she did the one thing that i hate most in the whole wide world :@ she said that one of her friends knows some one there and she could talk to them for me !!!!!!! WHAT? SERIOUSLY?? she knows more than anyone that i HATE HATE HATE wa96a, the thought of it makes me sick in my stomach.

i refuse the concept and idea behind it. she told me that even if they liked me they might not hire me because some one with a wa96a would take my place. i told her that i don't care. i don't want to feel like i too this job because some one told them not because they wanted me there.
i was really mad and told to NEVER EVER think of doing that, and i left her and i was upset the whole day just because she thought of that. SERIOUSLY MOM?!?! IT'S LIKE SHE DOESN'T KNOW MW :@

so they called me the next day asking for reference letters and other things and they gave me the feeling that they want me there and that they liked me :D

i told my mom and she was STILL thinking of calling her friend. she said that a little more insurance won't hurt. AGAIN i told her N O NOWAY and i was furious :@ :@ :@

what did she do?? did she listen to me???? NOOOOOO did she respect my wishes and treat me like a grown up??!! NOOOOOO the next day she told me that when she was "casually" talking to her friend and they "came across" the topic of the person they know in that place and she said that they were talking about me because they recognized the name. SERIUOSLY?!!!???? you think i would fall for that??! i was shocked and just left without a word.

later that day the phone rang and i picked up and who was it!? the "friend" the moment she knew who i am she told me no to worry because she talked to that person and that they were considering me anyways.

i gave my mom the "BUSTED" look and i gave her the phone and just left. i was beyond mad and upset. that was it. she did it, she crossed the line. she doesn't realize that i'm not a kid anymore and i can make my own decisions. she could lie about it anymore . she couldn't tell me that it was accidental anymore, or that she didn't mean it, because she did.

i've never been that upset and mad at my mom. i know that she was looking out for me and that she was thinking of the best for me, but the fact that she went and did something i don't agree with and goes against everything i believe in. and the fact that it came from her the one person who knows me more than any one. that, all in all is more than what i can handle.

now all the good and happy feelings i had about getting this job are meaningless, i don't feel that excited anymore, there will always be that little feeling that i got it because of wa96a and because of that person my mom knows, not because of me and what i did and i'm capable of doing :@

i'm sad and frustrated :'( me feel betrayed :'(




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into the blues

Saturday, July 19th, 2008

WARNING MAJOR BLABBING AND TOTAL NONSENSE


i've been going through depression and stupid weird mixed up feelings. i don't feel like going out. i'm actually enjoying sitting in front of the tv or hugging a book after falling asleep while reading. come to think of it i'm not even sure that this is depression.
i'm being really good friends with 6alabat.com and dvd777.net :p i'm always ordering food and dvds. i enjoy eating while watching tv. but i'm not even gaining weight. as a matter of fact i lost around 4 kilos :'( maybe because i'm addicted to ordering the food and tasting it rather than filling my stomach with it ;p

sometimes i feel like doing nothing is cool and fun, and sometimes i feel like WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING?? i want to move. i like to move. you know me i'm a bouncing ball every where. i'm being lazy recently. and i'm not liking it, but i'm doing absolutely nothing about it. not even trying to fix it or change it :p is it ok?! is it normal to enjoy not enjoying/not liking being lazy?! i don't know, i guess i need to get some sleep. but i'm sick of sleeping and waking up late.

is there a way that i could stay up all night and still be able to wake up fresh in the morning around 8 or 9? i wish there was a way to put time on pause while i'm asleep or just invent a waking potion or something :s

Ok, the result of this life style is mixing different cosines and expecting a stomachache :P
my sushi and sweet/sour chicken are here

till later ;)




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A Block

Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Lately i've been suffering from a serious case of writer's block. It's been ages since I wrote anything new. Whether poems or fiction. i don't like it and definitely not enjoying it.
The problem is that i know that once I'm challenged with something, a piece to reply to for example, or a certain topic, i might find it in me to write something. But nowadays i can't seem to begin to write anything. i mean i go back to the stuff I wrote before and I question myself about actually being able to write something similar!?

The last time I wrote anything was about 6-7 months ago. I'm afraid if it lasts longer I might forget it. Forget how to write something similar or something close to it.

I hate those skills or talents that go away if you stop practicing (which are almost everything :p ) You use to play a certain musical instrument really well and because you stop practicing you fall out, you're a beginner again :( you used to write and because you stopped you're no longer good enough to hold a pen. You used to knit or draw or color and because you stopped you forget. I hate it.
Although I know based on experience that if you were good at something and you goo back to doing it after stopping for a while, you don't take a lot of time to be right back on top of it. You would think that you lost your skill or forgot how to do it, but once you spend a day or two, or sometimes a couple of hours, trying to learn it all over again, you will get hold of quickly and be as good as you were in no time.




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Review Review Review

Monday, July 7th, 2008
I like writing. I write stuff. I wrote stuff before. I wrote poems. I wrote short one page stories. I wrote stuff that are in between. BUT the one thing I can't seem to be able to write is reviews. I CAN'T WRITE A REVIEW. I want to write a review. I would LOVE to write a review. I want to be able to write a good review. I never wrote one before because I never knew how to start writing one. Where to begin and end. What to write about. How to write it.
I'm not picky, I want to be able to write a review on anything. Movies, books, art, theater, restaurants, ANYTHING. I think no matter what you want to write about they are all reviews. It's all about the skills of reviewing. Once you know how to write a review you'll be able to review anything.
Do you know how I can learn to write a review? I mean mastering the skills of reviewing?
OH I just thought of something. Is it something wrong with me? HUH?!! i mean what IT WAS ME :O what if it was me not being able to make up my mind about something!? Me not being able to judge something, not being able making u my mind about what's good and what's bad. What's to mention and what not to mention. What to write about and what people won't care about. Thinking about it i think it's me. hmmm see I can't even make up my mind if it's me or not. I get it now. It's so not about the reviewing skills, it's about my making up my mind skills.
So any idea how to help? Skipping of course the "it's about me" part :p o and if Hussein is reading it I think you'll help a lot my dear dearest friend :D :D :D and anyone else who has an experience in writing reviews ?! :D ;)

P.S: that wasn't me speaking/writing, that was the sleep deprived bored to death glued to screens me ;) :D




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VIOLA

Sunday, June 29th, 2008
So, i realized that i've been freaking out a little too much lately :D and i really thank you guys for your sweet words, F. , The Archer and Amethyst :D

but i think i know where this feeling comes from (i think :p ) it's the whole idea of not being able to take control of your life or your future. it's not like choosing a field and deciding to enter it and VIOLA your in :/ N O there is a 50/50 chance you'll end up no where near it :p

I decided to tone it down a little bit and do what F.'s doing, RELAX and whatever happens happens ;) i'll take my time looking at my options and just go from there :D

from now on i'll try my best to be positive ;D and take life one day at a time ;)

love you guys and miss you A LOT :'( which is something i never thought would be that bad :p




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Hunting for a future

Thursday, June 26th, 2008
Ok, now that I'm done from school and unemployed i feel completely lost and useless. Seriously it sucks, it is almost impossible to find a good job that satisfy your needs, and not only the job, but also the career in a whole. It is very confusing and tiring. Being in school or college is way easier, the most difficult decision you make considering the future, is what course with which professor should you take next semester.
I hate being lost like this and not knowing what to do. PLUS all the job openings are for people who have AT LEAST, minimum 3 years experience. SERIOUSLY ?!!???!!! cut us some slacks will you ?!
Oh and you know the question I hate most nowadays? What are you going to do now? and my answer would be (no idea)
i don't like being asked where i'm going next, what i'm doing next, where i want to apply next. basically any question with the word next in it :s and i also don't want to take a break and just enjoy my time off, because i don't like doing nothing.




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Nostalgia

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
WARNING this is a long boring post full of blabbing and a little sound of a person freaking out and saying absolutely nonsense.


OH MY GOD it just hit me I LOVE STUDYING I LIKE HAVING HOMEWORK :'( YAYKS did i just say/write that?! :s

Ok, so i was all thrilled about not having homework, essays and papers to write. no waking up because i'm forced to go to classes half asleep. But i think i miss it already. i mean i didn't get to the summer holiday break concept, maybe because it was always followed by the next/new semester anticipations, BUT GUESS WHAT?!!? there is no next/new semester :s

i've thought that since i knew i'll miss my friends at college the perfect thing to do is to wish to go to college regularly like before minus the classes and assignments part. but now i think i miss the whole package. the friends and the books and pens.

i mean whenever i feel like i'm wasting my time with something useless and start seeing my good, big fancy words leaking from my brain, i run towards a book and start reading (i know i have a phobia from becoming stupid and shallow) but now i realize that reading novels can't always be enlightening :/ to tell you a secret i read a couple of articles from my big ugly blue criticism, theory anthology, and if you know me you know how much i HATE this book, i mean i locked it up in a locker for a year till living organisms started crawling out of it :s
bottom point is that i reached out for my ugly book, this is how bad i miss studying :'( :'(

i know you would mention post graduate school and i thought about this too, i mean i still think about it, but the problem is that i'm not sure when will this come along since by parents are not letting go of me any time soon, and the MA program i have my eye on is not open till a year and a half, if not more. so i don't have a time planned here.

il zebda i'm lost and freaked out of having to stop to learn. and no don't tell to educate my self cause i don't think 'm good at that. i ned deadlines and someone to help squeeze the thoughts out of my head.

Do you want to know how bad it is? i'll tell you how bad. you know that scene in every movie tht has teenagers and little and big people studying and going to school or libraries !? well whenever i see any of these scenes i feel like studying and missing school and college. i want to freak out about a late paper and trying to figure out stupid excuses about being late, and missing the last class. (ok the whole thing sounds geeky and weird) ok don't complain i warned you about this post earlier :D

this is it...it's an academic nostalgia (hey i think this will be the title of the post :D nostalgia...hmmm sounds right :D )

ok enough blabbing ?! i think so ;)




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Caffeine Affect

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

It’s after the second cup that I be able to function and when it’s the third I begin to sway to a semi real world. I start wondering while they are talking, taking half of my attention to other things still managing to listen to what they say

Him: “If you can see over here, you’ll find that this expense has nothing to do with this month’s revenue; it should …… Blah blah blah”

Me: listening, yet thinking of why in god would he always wear brown based ties, can’t he see that his eyes has a gray shade in them and that if he wore gray, baby blue or even green ties it would enhance the colour of his eyes beautifully.

Him: “You should tell him to give you the estimated budget for …… blah blah blah”

Me: still listening, yet thinking with a big face as his, he should consider keeping some hair to reduce the size of his cheeks. Very big, very very big … Some one should tell him.

Him: “blah blah blah”

Me: No more listening and only thinking of how hideous his nails are; Please someone tell him to go have a manicure, he really needs it

Him: “So what ever you’re saying to him, remember ….. blah blah”

Me: Saying to him? He has problems indeed, but you? Oh god you need too much work!

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